Sunday, October 6, 2013
The past few weeks have been kinda crappy in the TTCAL world for my friends, I just want to shake a higher being and say "WHAT THE FUCK !!!!"
My friend Jennie had her 3 loss, I found out after work, when I checked my phone after work, I turned to Cork, with tears & said, this universe sucks..
Then on Tues morning, I woke up to a message from my friend Amy, she asked her H to message me & another friend, that after having her rainbow baby on Sept 18th, her little boy Finn passed away from a sudden & tragic accident at 11 days old.. Cork came downstairs to find me in tears, and I just looked at him & asked him "WHY ???"
My heart hurts...
Monday, September 23, 2013
Blah blah blah.. That's just how I'm feeling lately.
Work is annoying me, I am feeling really undervalued :/
But I did take a big step on something else in my life, I finally got my G1 Driver's Licence.. Here in Ontario, they do a graduated system, you get your G1, have that for 8- to a year, then you get your G2 for a year or more, then you finally get your full licence.
Other than that not much has been going on in the Wicked household...
Friday, June 28, 2013
End of june..
I have been ok lately..
I did a FB friend cleanse, I defriended some people, some were Ladies from TB, I don't feel bad about it.. The way I looked at it was, if you haven't bothered to say anything to me in the last while, esp. with all the Dr's visits , then you didn't need to be my FB friend. That and I had a feeling some people were telling others about what I was saying. Yes I know this is public blah blah blah but my FB is set to private, so that only friends can see things..
No real changes to anything right now, still at stage 3 :/
I met up with old friends to see New Kids on The Block on June 7th, and I am going again on July 28th, this time with my sister Julie and Lauren again !! I love hanging out with my friend Lauren, we have known each other since elementary school, her and her wife are Fab ! I love seeing these guys in concert !
Me and C did a last minute getaway to Niagara Falls recently & we went to Niagara On the Lake, I definitely want to go back to NOTL & do a few wine tours..
Well we have another trip booked ! This time to Jamaica, more specifically to Montego Bay, I can't wait, sun, warmth, beach & drinks !! This will be an anniversary/birthday trip in Nov.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
This is my heart yet again...
After the Kidney diagnosis, we had decided to Adopt ! That was all fine & dandy until today...
I had an urgent (meaning almost 2 month wait) to see my Kidney dr, because of my episode in Jan with my Blood pressure.
Fuck this shit ! My fuction went down again.. I am now in stage 3, can't get Pg on my own, and Adoption talk is off.. I can't in good concious try & bring a child in to my home knowing that I am not in the best health.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
So.. Umm yeah, we decided to look into Adoption !!! It was a hard decision to come to, but with everything else going on & the fact that my cycles are getting lonnnger (50 + days) , that we decided to look into adopting through Children's Aid, which is like adopting through social services in the US.
I am looking at it, that we would be able to give a child a loving home, that they might not be otherwise able to have.
we decided that we are comfortable with ages birth to 1 1/2 years old. I can't wait, it has actually made me excited again ! And TTCing was not doing that, I was getting more frustrated than anything, that my body was not co-operating ! This takes my body (other than the medical stuff required for our homestudy) out of the equation, am I sad that I won't have a Bio child or experience child birth ?? Yes, but in the grand scheme of things I want to be a mother most of all, and this will get us there.
It will take time, tears & effort, but it WILL be worth it in the end !
Friday, November 16, 2012
It starts in 2009, when after our loss in 2008, my family Dr wanted us to start
with a fertility Dr, as it had taken us a year and a half to get pg the first
time.
In May of 2009, I ended up with some weird pain, paralyzing stuff going on ( ended up paralyzed from the thigh down on my right side), so instead of starting with an RE, I ended up at a Neurosurgeon's and a Neurologist, being told I needed spinal surgery, a disc in my back had ruptured and was pressing on my spinal cord & I needed surgery ASAP, that happened in July 2009, they removed the disc, fused the 2 vertebrae, put in 2 steel rods and 4 metal screws. We were told to wait 6 months before TTCing, and that was fine.
In Jan of 2010 we were finally able to see the RE ! We though great, shouldn't take much, i was charting, and other than ovulating around CD18-19 I though , OK, this shouldn't take much.. However, the RE saw me & thought I might have a genetic issue, so she wanted to investigate that first, she did a U/S, which looked OK, and then pulled the usual B/W, and that's where things went down hill...
She noticed that my Creatine levels were reallllly off which suggested a Kidney issue, she then refereed me out to one of the larger Genetic clinics in Toronto.
From there, she pretty much told me unless I got the all clear from the geneticist, she would not work with me.
I then met with my wonderful Geneticist & her wonderful staff, they started off by sending me for an abdominal U/S, which showed issues, and they pulled lots of different B/W for different genetic testing. She then refereed my to my Nephrologist who in Dec 2010 diagnosed me with ending of stage 2 beginning of stage 3 Kidney disease, and at that point he told me that I should not get Pg, as everything was very unstable.
Working with him & my family Dr, we got my Blood Pressure under control, which helped stabilize my Kidneys, which actually improved their function back up to stage 2, which just requires monitoring , Blood pressure control, and a lower sodium diet (which is reallllly hard for me because I LOVE Salt)
My actual condition is 3 fold, my kidneys are a lot smaller than normal, they are filled with scar tissue, and the Tubules are blocked (they are the little tubes in your kidneys that help filter).
So in Sept of this year when I saw him, he deemed everything stable, and gave his blessing to TTC, with the caveat, of NO fertility drugs,or treatment etc. as he believes that they will affect my kidney levels & make them unstable, and he does not want to risk that, along with the additional issues being Pg will cause.
And as for the Geneticist.. She is still playing with my blood !! She believes that she has found something that would put a name to all the issues that both me & my sister have (that's a whole another book) it is called Alagille Syndrome, which is not really a concern, but they will do genetic testing if I ever get Pg, if I want.
And that is it..
Anything else, just ask !

In May of 2009, I ended up with some weird pain, paralyzing stuff going on ( ended up paralyzed from the thigh down on my right side), so instead of starting with an RE, I ended up at a Neurosurgeon's and a Neurologist, being told I needed spinal surgery, a disc in my back had ruptured and was pressing on my spinal cord & I needed surgery ASAP, that happened in July 2009, they removed the disc, fused the 2 vertebrae, put in 2 steel rods and 4 metal screws. We were told to wait 6 months before TTCing, and that was fine.
In Jan of 2010 we were finally able to see the RE ! We though great, shouldn't take much, i was charting, and other than ovulating around CD18-19 I though , OK, this shouldn't take much.. However, the RE saw me & thought I might have a genetic issue, so she wanted to investigate that first, she did a U/S, which looked OK, and then pulled the usual B/W, and that's where things went down hill...
She noticed that my Creatine levels were reallllly off which suggested a Kidney issue, she then refereed me out to one of the larger Genetic clinics in Toronto.
From there, she pretty much told me unless I got the all clear from the geneticist, she would not work with me.
I then met with my wonderful Geneticist & her wonderful staff, they started off by sending me for an abdominal U/S, which showed issues, and they pulled lots of different B/W for different genetic testing. She then refereed my to my Nephrologist who in Dec 2010 diagnosed me with ending of stage 2 beginning of stage 3 Kidney disease, and at that point he told me that I should not get Pg, as everything was very unstable.
Working with him & my family Dr, we got my Blood Pressure under control, which helped stabilize my Kidneys, which actually improved their function back up to stage 2, which just requires monitoring , Blood pressure control, and a lower sodium diet (which is reallllly hard for me because I LOVE Salt)
My actual condition is 3 fold, my kidneys are a lot smaller than normal, they are filled with scar tissue, and the Tubules are blocked (they are the little tubes in your kidneys that help filter).
So in Sept of this year when I saw him, he deemed everything stable, and gave his blessing to TTC, with the caveat, of NO fertility drugs,or treatment etc. as he believes that they will affect my kidney levels & make them unstable, and he does not want to risk that, along with the additional issues being Pg will cause.
And as for the Geneticist.. She is still playing with my blood !! She believes that she has found something that would put a name to all the issues that both me & my sister have (that's a whole another book) it is called Alagille Syndrome, which is not really a concern, but they will do genetic testing if I ever get Pg, if I want.
And that is it..
Anything else, just ask !
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Lest We Forget...
So today is my Birthday Woo HOO !
The one memory I always have of my birthday growing up, is the Remembrance Day Ceremonies at school, and how it always deeply touched me, The sacrifice of so many Canadian Forces so that I could have my freedom....
In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie,
In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.
The one memory I always have of my birthday growing up, is the Remembrance Day Ceremonies at school, and how it always deeply touched me, The sacrifice of so many Canadian Forces so that I could have my freedom....
In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie,
In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.
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