Lest We Forget...

So today is my Birthday Woo HOO !
The one memory I always have of my birthday growing up, is the Remembrance Day Ceremonies at school, and how it always deeply touched me, The sacrifice of so many Canadian Forces so that I could have my freedom....


In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie,
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

I.Can't.Breath.

I can't breath... I am struggling right now, I am still unemployed and it is weighting  heavy on me, I hate it, I have had a few interviews, even 2nd interviews at 2 places, and still nothing. I HATE IT DAMMIT !!

This cycle crushed me, I had my hopes up to damn high and they got blown out of the water this morning with a BFN, I just want to curl up and cry... About everything....

I feel so overwhelmed, I.can't.breath.

Testing ...

Well that's life..

Thing can never be quiet in this family....

I got laid off.... Yup it sucks, so I am job hunting once again...

My dear sister scared the crap out of us by being admitted to the hospital, with sky-high Blood Pressure and low heart rate... Thanks !!! I don't know what I would do if I lost her, She is my best friend. She will be there for a few more days, until they figure everything out.

But alas I don't think she's going to keel over anytime soon.

I have not heard from Mount Sinai yet... big surprise there.

I have not heard from K, so I gather she was pissed at my email.. oh well no big loss there.

I went to the inaugural meeting of the Toronto Face2Face group , WOW what a wonderful group of extraordinaire ladies, their stories were heart breaking, mine felt so insignificant compared to most of them, but they nonetheless treated me the same. I hope we can do this once a month.

One day I will tell my story on here, I'm just not sure when, maybe in May...

Well I guess I should Update...

Ahh a New Year....

Same shit different year...

We finally saw an Re in January, uhhh yeah... She thinks I have Turner's syndrome.. fun times, we are waiting on the genetic  results, they should be in by June (Yes Canada is fucking slow at this stuff) She pulled other B/W, everything seems to be OK, except... My creatine/ kidney function again... She wants to get me into the high-risk program at Mount Sinai in Toronto to do a work up first before we get PG, I finally found out from them (after bugging them for an appointment date) that MS will personally be contacting me with an appointment, IN A FEW MONTHS !!! She would prefer that we "not try" but she would be OK with us if we got PG on our own in the mean time.

Cork and I talked, we decided, Fuck it,  we didn't want to wait, so we are trying on our own again... Hopefully it will happen soon, I'm not counting on it though.

Me and K had a falling out, after a lot of BS, including her not calling after she had her LO, and a few disrespectful & hurtful remarks, I sent her an email telling her how I felt.
Surprise surprise, she never answered me..

Other than that , not much going on in my world.

Take care & love you all !

Michelle