Saturday, May 6, 2017

Canadian National Infertility Awareness Week...

I was asked by Jennie if I wanted to write a post for the often not talked about part of IF...CLNBC


I procrastinated all week, on not writing this, when it is something that should be talked about.

At the end of the IF/loss road, not everyone ends up with their "miracle" and it's a hard fucking pill to swallow. We are the ones that tend to get ignored, pitied and forgotten about by our friends especially by the ones made in the throws of IF & loss.

I came to be CLNBC, after a bit of a road, from a pregnancy loss, to starting down the road with a Reproductive Endocrinologist, who after viewing my blood work, sent me off to a geneticist where a genetic condition was found, called Alagillie Syndrome.

While having Alagille itself does not prevent you from having kids, some of the conditions that come with it can... 

In my case, CKD, Chronic Kidney Disease..... Due to the stage I am in, a pregnancy would cause my kidneys to fail even faster then they already are... So what about Adoption ?! That has be asked of me, and I always have a few things to say about it

It's not up to the infertile to adopt ! 

For some, it may not be the right choice for them for what ever reasons THEY choose! 

* It costs a lot.. Some may not want to burden themselves with the debt of it, or to try and raise the funds, and before you say it, going through CAS, unless your are willing to take on sibsets or special cases (special needs, drug addicted etc, older child) you could be waiting YEARS, I know this, because it was something we looked into

* some may not feel the call to raise a child that is not of their biology  

* Clearance, whether it's medical or police etc , some may not get it, I know I would not have been medically cleared... 

So that left us in the life we have now, which can be a landmine to lead, where well meaning people ask, "Why no kids" ?? 

In a world where being a parent seems like the only valuable thing, that not having a kid makes you the odd one out, like, when you are out with friends, and they start talking about how old each of their kids are, and you can only stand there awkwardly trying not to cry, because you wish you could join in... 

About learning a new life, where you it's you, your husband, the cats & the dog... 

About saying well lets make the most of it !  Of realizing, that all though life hasn't turned out the way you hoped, there is still life, and it's meant to be lived....

It has taken me a long time to get to ^^^That point, and there are still days/weeks/situations that hurt like a mutherfucker, I am still standing, and I am always willing to tell my story, because it is an integral part of me.

Saturday, October 31, 2015

So.... We got a DOG !!

Her name is Marley, and we got her from a rescue in King City called Dog Tales They do wonderful stuff there & the staff and owners are amazing !
We went on  Sunday Sept 6th (every Sunday they have an open house & you can go visit) we checked all the dogs, and they had just gotten a bunch in from Israel on the Thursday. We spent some time with Marley & another dog named Puma.

We talked to the owner, and Puma wouldn't work, because of the cats (He was a Japanese chin) we then put our names on the waiting list for Marley, as there was a few other families interested in her.
We left that not knowing if we would get her, but we would keep looking just in case, That next week we got a call on the Wednesday, asking if we were still interested in her and if we could come the next evening to visit...

OF COURSE ! So we took off after work on the Thursday, back up to King City, and met with Danielle the Owner, We went over everything, like who would walk her, what the cats are like, our house, any neighborhood parks, all that kind of stuff, they went & got Marley (Happy at the time) from her room, so we could spend time with her, and she remembered us ! We got a very friendly greeting & then we were left on our own to spend some time with her to see if we jived... And we did ! She was so good with us it reaffirmed our choice. After about an hr, we let them know that we wanted her for sure. They wanted her to go home with us but since we weren't 100% prepared & they wanted to have their vet tech check her over one more time, and give them another day to observe her behavior, we all decided, that picking her up Saturday am would be better.

Cork had to work that weekend, so, my mo (who helps with Marley) drove with me, to pick her up on Saturday Sept 12,

And what a month + it has been ! Marley is an amazing dog, she has great manners, walks beautifully on the leash, is just such a great dog, who ever had her before taught her well, so I think something happened to her owner & that's how she ended up on the streets, she shows no signs of a typical abandoned/shelter dog. The cats & her get along for the most part, they are still figuring out that relationship ! LOL
We figure she is 6-7 years old, about  30 lbs with some sort of hound in her! She loves to follow sniffing trails !


Saturday, May 16, 2015


I keep for getting about this poor neglected blog..
I am a horrid blogger. So time for a yearly update??
We went back to Jamaica again in Feb 2015, this time with my sister & her husband, we spent the week in Runaway Bay, at the Jewel Resorts, a few days at Jewel Runaway bay, and a few days a Jewels Paradise Cove, JPC is an Adult only, while JRB is the family one, and we liked the family one better ! It had a nice beach, great buffet & a nightly in house band that was great, the AO was... Lacking..

As for exploring, this time we went up to Nine Mile, the birthplace & final resting place of Bob Marley. It was a beautiful area, and yes we were asked if we wanted to purchase weed.. We declined.

We also got a new truck, we were hoping to wait until the the fall but the Explorer had other ideas, as the transmission was going (again ! We replaced it once already !) So C got the truck he wanted.

As for me ? I have been doing a few cards here & there, but nothing major. Health-wise ... Oye, here we go again with something new. I swear there is never a dull moment. For the last 6ish months, I have been having the odd joint pain, especially after I worked out, not the "oh I just worked out & my muscles are sore" pain, but deep down hurting like a MOFO joint pain, and then almost daily pain since we came back from Jamaica, cue my every 8 month appointment with Dr P (my Kidney dr), I told him about it & he got me in asap to the acute rhumetology clinic. I have had 2 appointments already, and other than a slight elevation of inflammation showing in my blood-work, my uric acid level is dangerously high, so right now I am being treated as having , gouty arthritis, I go back at the end of June, beginning of July, to see if the meds are helping, and if they aren't, or  cause more kidney issues, I am going off them & we will have to look at other treatments, possibly prednisone :/

As of this morning (3 days into treatment.. ) I hurt, I don't have high hopes for this. I asked if there was anything food or drink wise I need to eliminate and they said no.

Hopefully things improve before June, because there are 3 events that I would like to enjoy without pain, my aunt & uncle's 50th Anniversary party, me being a torch bearer for the Pan Am games, and finally the newest NKOTB concert ;)

That's all for now <3 p="">

Saturday, July 26, 2014

I'm such a slacker !! We have been back from British Colombia for almost two months...
It was a trip, one  that I don't care to repeat like that again, due to family issues, and not being able to tour around like I would have wanted.

We stayed in Surrey , but day tripped to White Rock & Fort Langley. We took the ferry over to Vancouver Island, and stopped in Victoria and Tolfino, And stayed at the crappiest motels.. but I won't get into that. We then took another ferry back to Vancouver city. We were there for 2 weeks in total.

My favorite part, C  & I took off for the weekend on our own and drove to Seattle WA. We stayed at the Hotel Five on 5th Ave (Def recommend this hotel !), we had a great time wandering around, checking out Pike's Place Market, had Top Pot Donuts, and best of all, I got to meet 2 more TTCALers !!!! I met up with 2 ladies I have know for quite a while now, Chelsey & Cleo, we had a great lunch at the Cheesecake Factory. And of course once I found out that the retail store for A-Muse was in Seattle, I had to stop in & pick up some stamps !!

I would love to go back to BC one day & see it on my terms.

Since the trip, I had a Kidney appointment...
Everything is stable, which is good, however, I hurt myself, once I heard that I was stable again, for the 3 appointment in a row, I gave myself a tiny glimmer of hope, that my Dr may give us the OK, to try to get pregnant... NOPE  

Cue a couple of crappy days. oh well, life moves on.

That all in my world for now... 

Sunday, February 23, 2014


We decided to take a run over to the local animal shelter, just to see what was available, we had no plans to bring anything home, there was a plan to take a quick look & then head to the Library... Yeah. We came home with this sweetie
We have named her Smudge and she is about 6 months old, and she totally chose us..  She came up to me & started head butting me and was very affectionate, I had a feeling if we left without her I would regret it, and it has not been without tears, thinking about Moe, she has quite a few of his traits & some of his coloring. it's been hard because if Moe was still here, we wouldn't have been looking.

As for Bella, well it's an adjustment, she is obviously still hissing & growling, but hopefully it will settle down & they can start getting along & maybe snuggling soon....

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Saying Good Bye to Moe

Today broke my heart.. our boy cat Moe, had been "off " for the last week or so, to the point he wasn't eating or drinking much of anything, we knew we had to take him in to see the Vet, since we had moved we took him to a new vet...

They examined him first & then did blood work & x-rays, the x-rays were not clear, there was something going on... His B/W showed a high white blood count and a high level of Calcium, which could possibly indicate Cancer.

The Vet asked our permission to investigate further, and called in a Ultrasound Tech, he was there in less than 15 mins, we stood there (me petting Moe's head) while the tech started.. Almost immediately he said "prep for surgery" there was a foreign object in his stomach, things didn't look right. The decision was made to do exploratory surgery and either they would find the blockage, remove it & Moe would come home in a day or 2, or it would be bad & would need to say goodbye..

A few minutes after they started, they called us in to the back, they had him open & wanted to show us ***graphic warning !!**

His poor little body, his whole GI tract was covered in a very fast moving Cancer tumors, they urged us to say goodbye, if we were lucky we might have had a few days more with him.

I can honestly say I flipped, I was going to have to say Goodbye to my stinky butt, my baby boy, my headbutter, the one who follows me into the bathroom all the time....

They covered up the incision, and we came back in to be with him while we let him go.

We got Moe at 6 months old from a rescue, he was quite the jumper, he will missed so much..

Photo: Is Heartbroken.. Said Good Bye to my buddy Moe

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

End of 2013

Wow, I am so bad at keeping up my blog..

The last few months of 2013 have flown by ! I have begun a new venture, I got into card making a while ago, I love making Custom  cards for people ! So going on that theme, I went to the big Creativ Festival that is held twice a year here, and signed up to be a Stampin Up Demonstrator ! I love their stuff ! I am planning to do an  Open House sometime in Jan to start things off & then go from there.

We went on our last trip of the year.. To Montego Bay Jamaica.  LOVED IT !! It was one of the best trips we have been on, not because of a "fancy room" or anything like that ( the rooms were decent !) but because of the people & the vibe ! We met some of the warmest, welcoming people. The beach was beautiful & the countryside was so lush & green. We have plans to go back in 2 years for our 10th wedding anniversary !

I am hoping 2014 treats everyone well <3 p="">