I was asked by Jennie if I wanted to write a post for the often not talked about part of IF...CLNBC
CHILDLESS NOT BY CHOICE
I procrastinated all week, on not writing this, when it is something that should be talked about.
At the end of the IF/loss road, not everyone ends up with their "miracle" and it's a hard fucking pill to swallow. We are the ones that tend to get ignored, pitied and forgotten about by our friends especially by the ones made in the throws of IF & loss.
I came to be CLNBC, after a bit of a road, from a pregnancy loss, to starting down the road with a Reproductive Endocrinologist, who after viewing my blood work, sent me off to a geneticist where a genetic condition was found, called Alagillie Syndrome.
While having Alagille itself does not prevent you from having kids, some of the conditions that come with it can...
In my case, CKD, Chronic Kidney Disease..... Due to the stage I am in, a pregnancy would cause my kidneys to fail even faster then they already are... So what about Adoption ?! That has be asked of me, and I always have a few things to say about it
It's not up to the infertile to adopt !
For some, it may not be the right choice for them for what ever reasons THEY choose!
* It costs a lot.. Some may not want to burden themselves with the debt of it, or to try and raise the funds, and before you say it, going through CAS, unless your are willing to take on sibsets or special cases (special needs, drug addicted etc, older child) you could be waiting YEARS, I know this, because it was something we looked into
* some may not feel the call to raise a child that is not of their biology
* Clearance, whether it's medical or police etc , some may not get it, I know I would not have been medically cleared...
So that left us in the life we have now, which can be a landmine to lead, where well meaning people ask, "Why no kids" ??
In a world where being a parent seems like the only valuable thing, that not having a kid makes you the odd one out, like, when you are out with friends, and they start talking about how old each of their kids are, and you can only stand there awkwardly trying not to cry, because you wish you could join in...
About learning a new life, where you it's you, your husband, the cats & the dog...
About saying well lets make the most of it ! Of realizing, that all though life hasn't turned out the way you hoped, there is still life, and it's meant to be lived....
It has taken me a long time to get to ^^^That point, and there are still days/weeks/situations that hurt like a mutherfucker, I am still standing, and I am always willing to tell my story, because it is an integral part of me.